Playlist: FALL FEELS

Fall Feels from evasoph on 8tracks Radio.

Music to listen to while the leaves change colors. 

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Marina and Ulay

    I've seen Marina Abramovic's work before (and it's truly lovely and absolutely fascinating).  I'm not a fan of performance art, usually.  I just never thought a lot of what is labeled "performance art" is actually art, just someone trying to be all "deep" and "meaningful".  But Abramovic's art was different; it's emotional, raw, exposing.  It's art in the sense of humans and our actions.  Her piece 72 Objects was what first caught my eye. In 1974,  Marina Abramovic stood in a room for 6 hours passively with a table that had 72 items on it.  Some of the items could cause pain, others pleasure.  Abramovic would allow people to use the objects in any way they please, without her having any repercussion.  After the six hours, Abramovic said this: "What I learned was that if you leave it up to the audience, they can kill you. I felt really violated – they cut up my clothes, stuck rose thorns in my stomach, one person aimed the gun at my head, and another took it away. It created an aggressive atmosphere. After exactly 6 hours, as planned, I stood up and started walking toward the audience. Everyone ran away, to escape an actual confrontation.:" 

72 Objects on the table

Abramovic in 1974

This is so fascinating, this ART is like a PSYCHOLOGICAL STUDY. Without punishment, people will do things that are hurtful but when we see confrontation we instinctively run. I mean that's so interesting.  I also ENVY the courage it takes to stand in a room and allow people to just do anything to you for 6 hours, as well as the complete and total exposure it causes.  It's art, it tells us more about human nature.  It truly reflects our instincts, our tendency towards violence. 
  I could go on and on about this, but I also wanted to talk about Marina Abramovic's partner, Ulay.  Ulay was also a well known performance artist in the 60's and 70's and focused on the body and space.  He began to work with Marina Abramovic in 1976.  They loved each other, and worked together until 1989.  They felt that their relationship had come to an end and decided to walk the Great Wall of China, meeting in the middle for a final hug and then to leave each other, never to see one another again. 
  Now, that in itself is a beautiful story.  Mutually leaving someone you love in the most beautiful, most sweet way.  But it gets even better.  
  Abramovic continued her career as a performance artist and in 2010 did a show called "The Artist is Present" at MoMa.  She sat at a table and would stare at the person who sat down across from her in complete silence for one minute.  Think about that, think about how much you can take in by staring at someone for one whole minute. Think of how unnatural that is, people never look at each other that long, it's personal, revealing.  You can tell a lot from a person's face.  During one of the shows, Ulay sat down at the table.  Abramovic had not known he was coming, they had not seen each other in years.  And for one minute, one minute, they sat and looked at one another. 

 Watch it, watch it ALL. Because it's beautiful.  The amount of memories stored in each other, the love, the craving, the acceptance, it's all beautiful and visible in their eyes.  The fact that they did not speak, that they just saw each other and just understood.  The few seconds after he's gone and new person sits down, she has to find herself again. It's so beautiful to see so much love, so much complete and total unplanned raw emotions, it's so complicated and so pure and amazing.  It's truly incredible. 

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David Sedaris: Books, Art and Weird Collections

  I love David Sedaris. Like love love him.  For those of you who don't know much/anything about this amazing man; David Sedaris is an author who has written numerous books, most of them are about his odd experiences while others are extremely dark and funny fiction.  His works include Me Talk Pretty One Day, Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim, Naked, Barrel Fever, Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, Holidays on Ice, and Lets Talk About Diabetes with Owls.  He also tells his stories on NPR's "This American Life" and has concerts where he reads out his journals and stories.

  I don't remember exactly when I started reading his work, but both of my parents would teach his stories in their classes.  I've read all of his books at least once and saw him in concert last year for my birthday.  His hilarious, and although he has a following, not too many people (especially young people) truly appreciate his work. He and his sister, Amy Sedaris (you might know her from her acting she's so great), are both odd and quirky and dark and just all over fantastic.  David Sedaris' work is so great because he was raised in a pretty average family.  Raised in a big family in North Carolina, Sedaris imagined becoming a famous artist, singer, basically someone people knew.  He writes all about everything, coming out of the closet to a pair of swingers, kissing rich family member's asses, finding a dirty book in the forrest and dealing with parents.  The reason Sedaris is great is because he writes all about things that are normal (well, more or less normal) and creates a funny, heart-warming or even sad story out of an average event through his writing.  

  Recently, David Sedaris wrote a short story for the "New Yorker" about his youngest sister, Tiffany's, suicide.  The story is sweet, and twisted and funny and sad.  He is just so funny and odd. It's hard to explain.  I'm a huge lover of reading and literature (both of my parents wrote dissertations in english literature), and David Sedaris rekindles my love of books every time.  He's wording and style is inspiring and creative.  

  Also, he loves stuff thats so offbeat it makes me SO happy.  For example, Sedaris and his partner Hugh both share a love for odd things.  One of these is taxidermic animals and body parts, skeletons and Sedaris collects very weird art (one of his paintings that he writes about is a whippet dog with outrageously large nipples).  Sedaris also likes to hand out funny things to his audiences (for example, condoms). 

 Sedaris' experiences are interesting as well as his fictional stories.  There are just WAY too many non-fiction works, but one of my favorite fictional stories is a fake christmas letter in Holidays on Ice.  It perfectly illustrates his humor (dark is being nice) and very twisted.  He also is willing to laugh at himself and has on numerous occasions done odd things during readings, like wearing clown makeup on stage and not even explaining the purpose of this.  (On your left you'll see him wearing some bunny ears).   If for whatever reason your still not interested in reading or listening to David Sedaris' work, let me just paste some words together that all are in at least one of Sedaris' stories.  "Thats my midget", meth, turd, "She got hit by a truck", the Ship Shape, tanning, ice-milk, Oprah, negligee, apple-picking, pot, popular and Billy Holiday.  Also he's adorable and funny and just look at this face and imagine his twisted, crazy, HILARIOUS brain. 

Yeah, he's my favorite. 

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Music Mondays: Nostalgia

Nostalgia from evasoph

The perfect music for sitting on a grey day and your thinking of sunny ones. 

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Getting Over You (and Me)

 
This past year, from the beginning of January, I have been trying to get over this guy.

   First let me make it clear that we never were going out. Nor did we have any romantic relationship.  But I loved him.  Really, I did. And I'd been happy pining away, imagining things up until my friend called me and told me he got a girlfriend.  I was devastated is putting it nicely.  I went from hysterically laughing to sobbing to screaming to sobbing and laughing and repeated this all night.  I called my friends and sobbed, lay on the couch and sobbed.  Sobbed and sobbed.  It was horrible. I'd never felt so heartbroken.
  Some might say it's easier to get over a "crush", something that never really happened.  I've never dealt with a break-up (based on the fact that I've never dated anyone) but from my experience, trying to forget about something that never happened is really really difficult.  There's no closure, no goodbyes, no nothing because most of the time, the second half of the "relationship" has no fucking clue.  I remember my mom saying; "Eva, it's not like he cheated on you.  I mean, I understand that you liked him, but I mean, c'mon!"
  But in my mind, it was like he'd abandoned me, cheated on me and then left.  In my head, we were soulmates, he DID like me, it was a fact.  I'd basically created this whole romantic novel/movie in my head.  There was a backstory, a plot; boy meets girl, girl likes boy, boy doesn't realize, boy has mind blowing experience where he realizes that him and girl are meant to be.  Boy finds girl, boy and girl fall in love, the end.  Simple enough, right? WHY COULD'NT HE FOLLOW MY PLAN?!
  When we create this perfect relationship, this holy thing that envelopes us in passion and yearning, it truly feels real.  When the time comes that we have to face reality and break it off with this fantasy it's not only losing that perfect ideal but it's also losing a little of yourself.  I felt so confused because I had built myself around this crazy fairytale, and now I was forced to face the stark reality leaving me to ask myself "Who am I?"
  Now, getting over this boy was hard.  I truthfully don't think I'm completely done with that part yet. But I do know that I've refound myself. It took A LOT.  I went on a 6 week trip to Israel all summer, I tried to push myself, find my passions, get good at things, and yet every once in a while I'd feel this twinge, have a thought; "You weren't good enough.  You'll never be good enough."It's hard.  Because sometimes, I agree.  But, I have been lucky enough to find a part of me that combats these negative thoughts with positive ones.
  I know I'm not done yet, I still can't see pictures of him and his girlfriend (whom I still despise) without cringing and wanting to cry, but it's gotten better.  I've moved on.  I have other pots on the fire. At this point, I know not to upset myself.  I hope that soon I'll be able to see him and smile and say "So, how's life?"

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IT'S OKAY

IT'S OKAY by eva-goldstein-moore 

Mondays are hard, heres a tip and a collage. 

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October Rad Things

So I love October and sharing and acting like people actually want my advice so for this month, OCTOBERRRRR, I'm going to make a few lists of things I'm obsessed with at the moment because I'm obsessed with lots of things and because I love lists.

STYLE/CLOTHING
I wouldn't call myself a super duper crazy dresser, I like sticking with classics.  But I do LOVE certain accessories/shoes/stuff like that.  Usually I just stare at things and drool.
  Lately I've really been loving sort of simple things that have very odd details when you really really look at their detail.

I swear, that collection of stuff makes me just UGH.  You see what I mean when I say I like my clothes in a simple but very detailed way (like those pants, they're printed but not screaming "LOOOOK AT MeEEE" I love that.  OH and I plan to wear my eyeliner like that tomorrow!! (I'm so excitedd) 

MUSIC

   I saw Vampire Weekend in September and loved every moment of it.  They're this really great great band that I've been listening to since 6th grade and I was so excited to see them live!!! My personal favorite tracks from their newest album, Modern Vampires of the City are "Step", "Obvious Bicycle", and "Finger Back".  They were amazing live and have become pretty big, but if you still haven't heard them check them out! 

  I'm constantly trying to find new artists and tracks, so I'm constantly on the look out.  I recently heard The Drums, whom I instantly fell in love with.  I love that type of music that gives me summer vibes, and the Drums are like this mix of the Beach Boys and something magical.  I love their song "Saddest Summer" and basically every other song of theirs because they make me feel like the sun is shining.  

  Also, this new music video for the song "St. Justice" by Albert Hammond Junior makes me swoon in every way because the music is great as well as the b&w video. 

  I've also been getting into Bruce Springsteen... sooooo. 

ART

What I consider art MAY differ from your opinion, just a warning.

  Recently, a book was published called Heavenly Bodies which is all about these AMAZING skeletons they have uncovered in Rome.  These skeletons, belonging to priests and other holy people in the church, are dripping in rare jewels and gold and jewelry and they are SO elaborate it's spectacular.  

Apparently, Nuns decorated these skeletons and some were so old that they weren't able to find certain parts, like a hand for example, so they would take a hand from another body and use it instead.  It's incredible honestly. 

  Another project I've really admired is this piece by Jay Rey entitled "Nipples".  Jay Rey said the following; "we had to tackle ideas of gender for homework. My solution to the assignment was to tackle the issue of a male versus a female nipple and why a female nipple needs to be censored. They are nipples ya’ll, beyond being some what funny, I don’t know why they gotta be such a threat. Us art students deal with em on the daily." 

I really loved the statement this made about gender inequality and the interesting differences our culture sees in men and women and their bodies.  Claps to you Jay Rey!!! 

  I love to draw and have been collaging more which is great.  I also really envy this sketch journal, but I plan to start creating my own using these tips.  The idea of saving everything like this makes me so happy and I'm a self described hermit so it's perfect. 

MOVIES/T.V

I started watching "Breaking Bad" (yes I am late) and that's great but I've been too busy to watch much. Instead, I made a list of movies/tv shows that will give ya goosebumps for Halloween. 

Eva’s Creepy Spooky Spunky Halloween Night Entertainment Bonanza

• Beetlejuice (1988) 
• Twin Peaks (1990) 
• The Witches of Eastwick (1987) 
• Carrie  (1976) 
• Heathers (1988)
• Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)
• Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
• Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
• Young Frankenstein (1974)
• Howls Moving Castle (2004)
• The Vanishing (1993)
• Pulp Fiction (1994)

That's all folks!!! I'll write when I can, hope you enjoy a few of these awesome things.

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Bling Ring; America's Obsession with Bad Behavior

   Sofia Coppala's new movie "Bling Ring" is out now, and right when I saw the ad I decided that I wanted to see it. So, I did and it was kind of disappointing.  I thought that she missed a lot of great opportunities to talk about a very interesting topic; Americans obsession with bad behavior.  She glimpsed over this theme slightly but not enough, and in my opinion, this theme is what the whole movie should have been about.
   Amanda Bynes, Lindsay Lohen, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton.  These are all celebrities who America pays (or at least paid) tons of attention to for bad behavior.  DUIs, public sex tapes, stealing, drugs, the list goes on.  We've all seen articles about these celebrities and even read them or skimmed them and thought "Gosh some people!" The fact that these celebrities continue to be publicized and looked up to by the American public is extremely fascinating.  We don't exactly support their behavior, but we do put them on the front page in all capitals.

   Americans find this celebrity bad behavior entertaining.  Televisions are filled with reality programs like "The Hills", "Keeping Up with the Kardashians", and all of the "Real Housewives" shows.  Magazines like "People" and "Star" crowd our counters plastered with photographs of celebrities and their most recent escapades; "A Night on the Town!" "ANOTHER DUI?", you get the picture.

   In "Bling Ring" Coppala could have created a fascinating layered movie about this odd obsession.  The characters in the movie have the same obsession, they break into houses of celebrities known for their dramatic or out right bad behavior and then take selfies of themselves to show off.  Already that is an extremely interesting combination, people doing immoral things to people known for being immoral and then publicizing the actions and being looked at as "cool" or "fun".  This continues to be captured throughout the film, the characters are all over the media after being caught, fan clubs are created on the internet for their wrong doings, and one character, Nicky (Emma Watson), goes on to USE her recognition from the law cases to become famous.  People can become FAMOUS by manipulating their bad behavior into fame, and that in itself is interesting, but the fact that the American public is obsessed with this "fame" makes it even more so.

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Mother, Daughter and in the Spirit of Holy Women

   The news these past few days has been FULL of amazing women.  I don't think I can truly describe the sentimental love and pride I feel for women who are involved and are willing to stand up for not only their rights, but my rights, your rights and every other women; young, old, middle-aged, rights.  The women who have been out and about and whom you have most likely heard about or read about at this moment are Senator Wendy Davis and Senator Leticia Van de Putte.

  In the past 24 hours, these women have truly inspired me.  I did not know who either of them were until yesterday while I was skimming through my twitter feed when Wendy Davis' named popped up.  I then began watching her filibuster in the Texas Senate.  Senator Davis was opposing a bill that would make it impossible for women over 20 weeks pregnant to get an abortion and would also close down all but 5 abortion clinics in the state.  I already thought that was extremely impressive, any women who is willing to stand up for women's rights in a room that is mostly filled with conservative Texan senators has guts.  I became even more touched by the tweets and other posts on the internet supporting this women.  I don't think I've ever seen so much positive support for a women on the internet EVER.  I was talking to my mom about it and began tearing up.  Imagine being a women in a room where you are (most likely) going to get negative feedback and to have thousands of women and men online saying "Hey, you, thank you, thank you for giving me a voice because I need one." "Thank you for sharing my opinions thank you for making them be heard." It makes it even more touching because Senator Davis literally did nothing but stand up to Texas' Senate for 11 hours STRAIGHT. In Texas Senate, during a filibuster the leader cannot lean on anything, cannot drink, eat or go to the bathroom.  For 11 hours this women stood there and stood up for us, and as a young woman I can proudly say that Wendy Davis is my hero. 

    I was really into the senate filibuster when Senator Leticia Van de Putte came up to the stand and asked the President for a Parliamentary Inquiry numerous times.  I wasn't paying too much attention until she said a sentence that to me, truthfully embodies women fighting for equality.  "At what point does a female senator need to raise her voice to be heard over the male colleagues in the room?" I have watched the video of her saying this and it almost always makes me tear up.  She is so passionate, so powerful.  Women of America, these are the type of women who are fighting for our rights, they go out there and are ready to ask hard questions, they are ready to stand up for what they believe in in a room full of people who disagree with them.  

So, overall, lets stand with these women.  Let's continue to give positive feedback, to stand up and talk about these issues.  Let strong women like Hilary Clinton, Senator Davis, Senator Van de Putte and others like them to inspire you.  Imagine the feeling of having thousands of people saying "Thank you for giving us a voice." and be a part of that group! Because maybe eventually, you will be that person, the politician who inspires young women or the speaker or even the mother. Get informed, get inspired, get involved.  

 THANK YOU WENDY DAVIS, LETICIA VAN DE PUTTE AND ALL THE OTHER STRONG WOMEN WHO ARE GIVING US A VOICE AND INSPIRING YOUNG WOMEN TO GET INVOLVED!  

(Photo Courtesy of Daisy from tumblr her blog is rad so check it out!) 

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SUMMER JAMS PLAYLIST

Newest playlist: Summer Jams
Songs that make me feel like summer feat. Vampire Weekend, Best Coast, Dum Dum Girls, Real Estate, Cults, The Beach Boys, The Tom Tom Club, and Girls
Sit on a porch on a sunny day and enjoy!

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Trending Interent Topics: Sexism and Rape Culture (trigger warning yo) (Part 1)

     So like lots of teenage girls, I'm online a lot.  Tumblr is my go-to website *click here if you want to check it out*  and I follow lot's of blogs that are very vocal about feminism, equal rights, basically everything I believe in.  One of my favorites is sexistfacebookdudes, which calls out social networking accounts that are either a threat to women or making offensive comments towards us as a whole.
     To be 100% truthful with ya'll, I knew some stuff about feminism and I identified as a feminist but I hadn't even known about some of the CRAZY bull that is online.  One of the things I saw was a website called creepshots (BEFORE OPENING WARNING: NSFW, TW: RAPE, NONCONSENT), a blog that posts pictures of unknowing women and sexualizing them.
     Basically this is a scenario of how lot's of the pictures on there get taken.  You go out in a pair of yoga pants to get yourself an iced tea from the Starbucks in your neighborhood.  After you get your drink, you are probably going to go back home and shower and then go to work or something.  As your waiting in line, a man standing behind you is like "that bitches ass is fine imma take a pic and post it online".  So your butt gets posted online for thousands of people to see, and the caption says "Mmmm some sexy ass wakes me up in the morning".  You don't know about this picture, but lots of people are seeing it and using it as a sexy picture.
     Thats basically what the blog is, pictures of women without their consent online with captions like "She's not asking for it, she's begging for it." Feminists on Tumblr are pouncing on this gross blog and theres a petition to get rid of their social networking accounts (Facebook is down but Twitter and Tumblr are still around).  You can sign the petition here.
      I knew that there were creepers, but I was really surprised at the idea of this blog.  I guess you could call me naive, although I had never thought of myself as that.  I was outraged and freaked out and actually a little scared to wear a sports bra to the gym, or wear my shorts out even though it was super hot outside.  At first the idea is disturbing by itself, the fact that these women are unknowing, but after lots of thinking, these kinds of blogs actually communicate a lot more about modern technology and its part in society then they seem.
      Blogs that post pictures of women being sexualized without the women's knowledge are extremely different to porn, or at least in my opinion they are different.  Many women in porn find it empowering, or even they don't, they always know that the video or photograph is sexualizing them and they are okay with it because they are, more or less, in control of the image and how they are portrayed.  The pictures posted on blogs like creepshots are different because these women don't even know they are being photographed.  The defenders for blogs like creepshots think that someone not saying no is the same as someone saying yes.  Women shouldn't have to turn around to a stranger and say "Oh hey btw you cannot take pictures of me", it should be an unspoken rule.  The idea of not saying no being yes supports rape culture, the idea that women not having consent over the sexuality and their bodies is normal and completely okay.
      This of course brings in a lot of other  issues, like celebrities.  Would it be less immoral for someone to zoom into a picture of Janet Jackson's nip slip, or Britney Spears without underwear? This is when the line gets a bit blurred.  On one hand, these celebrities did not say yes, but on the other hand they are fully aware that pictures are being taken and that they are constantly in the public eye.
This line has become even more thin because in the day and age, we are always being watched.  Almost everyone has a camera on their phone, and anyone can take out their phone and snap a picture of stuff.  This is an upside and downside to modern technology,  on the upside we can use this technology for good and to inform (Part 2 of this article will adress this), but on the downside it also means that people can overshare and share things that aren't even rightfully theirs.  What do you think about all of this? Part two will be here soon!

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Tobias You Blowhard!

To Celebrate Season Four of "Arrested Development" being released, Tobias Fünke, analrapist/actor, came and answered some burning questions for us with his knowledge of love, life and fame. 

Dear Tobias,
  I just finished my first year of college and have gained much more then my "Freshman fifteen", it's more like my Freshman Fifty.  I'm not used to my new body and I've been pretty self conscious about my looks since the middle of last semester.  I really want to boost my self confidence (I don't really want my self confidence to be based off of my looks though).  What are some ways for me to gain my confidence back without loosing all the weight?
Sincerly,
Freshman Fudge

Dear Fudge,
It's only natural for humans to want to look their best! It's no surprise that you lost so much confidence when you gained so much weight.  Although I could tell you the "feel good, it's not important how you look if your a good person, your beautiful" stuff that others might tell you, nor will I tell you what others consider confidence boosters like doing good deeds, or telling yourself you're beautiful.  I'm sure you've heard all of that hub bub from your loved ones, but listen to me, a analrapist you have never met, when I say, all of that stuff is kind of ridiculous and old fashioned (that advice was sooooo 2010 am I right?) In my opinion you should try some surgery, or how about a corset!? That will make others approve, which just HAS to bring back that self esteem! (Plus you'll look cool, I've heard vintage is hot hot hot!)
My apologies on your gain,
Dr. Tobias Fünke 

Dr. Tobias,
I just graduated from high school and have decided to move away from my hometown of Raleigh, North Carolina to the BIG city (Los Angeles) to become rich and famous! It's been my dream to become a hollywood movie star, like Kim Kardashian meets Meryl Streep (doesn't that sound so dreamy?) But now that I'm about to make the move, I don't know where to start, its so overwhelming.  I was wondering if you knew where I could start on the road to becoming a star! 
xoxoxoxoxo
Starla 
  
Oh young Starla, you have come to the right man!
As an actor, I know an infinite amount about showbiz, or as I like to call it "the biz".  As an aspiring actoress in the City of Angels, you must be strong and determined.  You will be let down time and time and time again, and over and over you will sit in your shower at night sobbing and scrubbing, just trying trying to get the stench of rejection of your disgusting middle-aged body.  But, I continue, to succeed you must have the skin of an elephant.  Also, get connections.  I'm a pretty great connection to have already (I know Carl Weathers PERSONALLY) but you should make as many friend in Hollywood as possible. "Connection, connection, connection" we in the biz like to say.  So if you happen to know anyone who is friends with Tom Cruise or even better Billy Crystal, kiss their behinds like there is no tomorrow!
Best of luck, you need it
Tobias Fünke, Actor Extraordinaire  

Mr. Fünke, 
I've been having troubles catching ladies.  I bought lots of good bait, but nothings biting. Got any tips for a man who needs love?
- Loverless


Dear Lover(less),
I know how you feel; although it's hard to believe looking at me now, I used to have lots of problems getting the lady folk.  But all you need is some self confidence! You are a man worthy of a thousand women's love.  Also a few pick up lines can always come in handy, my favorite is "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Try it out it works (sometimes). 
In hard times, I can give you all the lovin' you need good sir!
With all the love in my huge heart.
Tobias Fünke, Lover

 

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GIRLS RULE

Girls Rule from evasoph on 8tracks Radio.

Mix of music made my girls!!

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selfie

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Views on Mental Illness; How Can Our Outlook Change?

Imagine if every physical illness; a cold, the flu, cancer etc. , was portrayed in the same light as mental illness.  This has been a trending topic and idea, which is probably a good thing in my opinion.  America doesn't look too kindly upon individuals with mental illnesses; big or small which is an issue since, according too census', 40 million American adults suffer from a form of anxiety, 3.3 million Americans suffer from mild depression and 15 million adults have social phobia.  That's A LOT of Americans, and that's not even all of the mental disabilities that can plague a person's life.  To check out the rest of the details and information click here.

I have anxiety and ADD, which was diagnosed early this year and have been seeing a therapist since I was around 5 years old.  I've grown comfortable talking about these things to my close friends, but to be completely honest, I'm still a bit embarrassed to confess my issues.  I know that my psychological problems are 100% chemical but I still have a hard time explaining my weaknesses to others. I didn't even tell one of my closest friends why I hadn't been at school all week. "I'm just not feeling well, I mean I have a cold." was a lie I said around three times a day.  I just couldn't look at my friends in the eyes and say; "Actually I've been having some anxiety issues that have given me a crippling fear of school.  It's getting worse and I don't know what to do and I still don't understand what's wrong with me. I feel like a crazy freak." I think it's interesting that human beings tend to have a hard time admitting their mental issues.  Someone would not pause to tell you about their cold, but a person has a hard time having a conversation about their mental health.  

Part of this is due to how mental health has been portrayed in society.  In America, many of us would imagine someone sitting in the corner of a white padded room in a mental hospital.  But mental disorders are an everyday issue for many people.  If our society was able to push aside their basic stereo-typical beliefs about mental illness, I feel that people like me would have an easier time talking about their issues and teaching others about their experiences.  

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Art Inspiration 1: The Kiss- Klimt

So, new series of posts (so excited eep)! I'll be posting pictures of outfits inspired by some of my favorite paintings.  This is the first and it's inspired by The Kiss a beautiful painting by Klimt. Hope you enjoy

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Whatever

My favorite word, I mean whatever.
It just means so many things! Like its bitchy but not too bitchy, it's like the most passive aggressive thing ever. Any wayzzzzz it's spring break and I'm bored and sad. Here's a picture of my face.

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Dancing queen

Happy Monday, what's new pussycatdollz?



lol I think I'm so funny

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Techie Girl; why the internets rad

      I love the internet and my phone like so much.  I know that theres lots of research saying that this generation (our generation I guess) is alienated by technology; that because of the distraction we don't have the best social skills.  Yeah, I can be socially awkward but I'm pretty sure thats cause I'm kinda kooky, and guess what? The interweb has introduced me to people that I have stuff in common with, AND it's given me funny cat videos and has taught me how to do cool stuff with my hair.
  But I get the research, and it's definetly accurate. I look at my five year old cousin who's obsessed with like iPads and Zombie games, and he has a hard time being away from that stuff but for teens I think the internet is extremley helpful, and not just with school work.  I've been introduced and inspired by so so so much stuff! I'm pretty much sure that I've formed my own political beliefs by reading articles, learning about feminism and getting involved.  The internet is rad; but there are definetly some "rules" to use it. Like don't talk to strange creepers, but I mean some people on the internet are so cool.  Not gonna lie my most major girl crushes are on girls whose articles or photographs I love (eg. Hazel Cills, Petra Collins, Olivia B.) I like just find them super cool, and I can look at their work and be inspired and thats all thanks to my handy dandy compooper.
    Let's not forget clothes/makeup/hair/nails.  I find all this stuff on Stumbleupon and it makes me try new things, and makes me feel good about myself, inside and out.  I love that I'm able to click a button and find an infinite amount of stuff on a screen.  Don't get me wrong, some shit on here is wack (lol at my vocab) but there's such cool stuff out there!
   The internet helps people find new things, like awesome music (I now have a new found appretiation for the Tom Tom Club) and I love to find articles about women's rights and current events.  Also the internet has some cute cat videos and really hilarious celebrity tweets, not to forget things about stupid people and gifs of funny faces.  I mean, that's pretty much everything on my screen.
   But the computer is definetly not the center of my life, I think that it's awesome for inspiration, girl crushes, and stuff to make you happy and feel good.  The internets pretty rad, and I like to think I get a little bit hipper (thats what the kids say right) when I learn from it.

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Girl Crush: Jemima Kirke

     I strive to be like Jemima Kirke; she's creative. talented and beautiful.  Her character Jessa in the show Girls (which Lena Dunham created) is this like bohemian godess - one part amazing and one half scary.  I want to be her and I'm at the same time afraid of her.  Kirke plays a self confident woman as an actress, and is just, if not more, confident in her real life.  Personally, I find this so inspirational.

    You know how lots of women cover up their bodies when their pregnant? Jemima Kirke went in the other direction, just look at these pictures she took while she was way into her pregnancy.

     She's so comfortable in her own skin, and is not embarrassed to show it.  Kirke is a prime example of a gorgeous woman who does not bend to fit the norm and is proud of her mind, talent and body.  Although she is as confident as the women she has played, Kirke says she's not those people anymore although she had been.  She only works with her close friend Lena Dunham - yep the awesome girl who's just like amazing - and did not exactly want to be an actress.  Although she is talented, and is on one of the most popular shows of the time, Kirke is an artist at heart, and her work is fantastic.  It's beautiful and creepy, it's just so. . . ah-mah-zing. Her paintings are not realistic but they reveal human flaws that are not stereotypically attractive, and her paintings aren't "pretty" but they are detailed, interesting and eery.  

Kirke's Self Portrait

    Wow I love her, she's just fantastic.  Jemima Krike is the ultimate feminist icon for me, she's so self assured and is extremely talented. I cannot wait to see more of this goddess. 

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*sigh*

You know those days where you're just sad.
Yeah, I'm having one of those days.
For me, I know that when I'm in bad place emotionally my body starts to feel just as bad. So today, by second period (like 10:00) my stomach hurt, I felt terrible and I was dizzy.  I ended up going home and now I've been thinking, how can someone make a day like this better?
So, here's a post on how to maybe look on the sorta-kinda-maybe-brighter side of a problem.

1) Make a Pros and Cons list: I don't usually think pros and cons lists work, but sometimes writing down what's getting to you and then writing down the good stuff in you life helps.  Like today, in my journal (I keep one daily btw it's pretty cool actually) I made a pros and cons list.  In my mind I had so many things that sucked but on paper I really only had two.  Both of the "problems" involved boyzzzzz (both have girlfriends, both are older then me, neither know I like them) and all of six of my pros were pretty good, it put stuff in perspective.

2) Throw yourself into something: When I say "something" I don't mean bad somethings I mean hobbies, school work, etc. For me, I either start working really hard in school (positive! you get good grades), or drawing (positive! I make something I'm proud of.)  By throwing yourself into something you care about, your mind won't be on the problem anymore, you can express yourself and you can also succeed or grow in a subject you care about.  Yay you!

3) Look/listen/read things that make you happy! : For me, this usually means looking at Rookie or books I like, pictures that make me happy or reading stuff that is like comfort food.  This will also distract you and put you in a good mood, remember you deserve it.

4) Talk to that person that always make you laugh: Everyone loves a good laugh (well most people) and if you have a friend that always cheers you up talk to them.  If your not in the mood to talk (which I tots get) listen to a comedian that makes you laugh (Louis C.K is my fav.) or a song that makes you happy.

5) Watch this: 



Everything looks a little brighter now don it?

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puppybowl>superbowl

SUPERBOWL SUNDAY WOOOOOOOOO! Todays the day when crazy stuff happens, like Janet Jackson's nip slip and Maddona.  But this year, it's a Beyonce concert with football on either side (laughtrack goes here). Superbowl means its actually the better PUPPYBOWL today! ugh guys. It's too cute to pass up

OK... like wow. And then of course, there's Kitty Halftime Show.  

So happy sunday, click here to watch the puppybowl (aka my life) 

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Sometimes it's OK not to be OK.

    There's a cheezy saying I'm sure you've heard; Nobodys perfect.  When your grandma says it to you when you complain about your thighs or whatever, it sounds stupid and kinda like an excuse for stuff.  But really, it's true nobody is perfect.
Everyone has their problems, some are huge some are small but all of them are real.  You know those day when you just can't get anything right? Sometimes those days become weeks, then years.  And that's okay.  It's okay that you just aren't too good at math or that you can't draw a skull or even that you can't be happy.  It's okay to feel sad about how your life is at the moment and it's okay to be angry that you didn't get what you want.
Through experience, I know that it's scary to look at life and take it head on sometimes. My whole life I have been anxious.  And for the first 15 years of my life I acted like it was fine, it wasn't a big deal that being around too many people made me nervous, it was fine that sometimes I just was so sad that I could barely even look in my mirror, it was no biggie that the weekends I had to go to my dad's I would break down and cry.  I put on a mask, and acted like I was fine and that the fact that my life scared me was okay.
    Then, my freshman year of high school changed everything.  I couldn't keep the mask on.  Everyday life became trying, I was a nervous wreck and didn't know how to talk about it.  For months I couldn't explain my behavior, I was embarrassed and ashamed that I would have nervous breakdowns about going to school, and that I was scared by my own behavior.  For months this went on and on, my absences at school increased, my grades went down, and I didn't get any better.  It felt like the anxiety was a monster that would take over me and throw me against a wall.  Soon I was worried about going to school, that I couldn't do it but if I didn't do it I would get F's, and if I got F's I wouldn't graduate and if I didn't graduate, I'd never go to college, and then I'd just never do anything with my life, but I couldn't bring myself to go to school.   It was hard.  It was frustrating and in all honesty, it was scary to lose myself like that.
    Then this year, I talked about it. I talked about my problems, my hardships. I explained that I didn't understand why I couldn't go to school, but I felt that I couldn't.  I explained that I did not understand how I felt, that I was scared.  I was lucky enough to be helped, and have supportive people to tell me that sometimes it's okay to not be okay.
     Sometimes it's hard to admit that you're not okay.  But once you do, it feels like a weight off you shoulders, being able to say "Hey, today I'm really feeling down"or "I feel lost, I feel sad and confused"will lead to you looking into that.  Why do you feel that way? Can someone or something help you? What do you need to do to help yourself?  It feels good to help yourself.  I really do promise you it's okay for you to be sad, it's okay to feel confused and it's really absolutely okay to not be okay right now.  

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fashionaid: Penny Lane

OK guys let's jump right into the topic.
Almost Famous is an awesome movie.  I liked it the moment the movie began and loved it by the time it was over.  The whole movie is just a whole type of awesome.

I mean come on, it has good music, a lovable underdog, a coming of age story, and my favorite part, Penny Lane.  Kate Hudson plays the unbelievably cool bandaid.  She hates being called a roadie, no way, she actually helps the band, she's not just some girl who follows those superstars.  She's so eccentric and easy breezy, ugh and her clothes. Let me tell you, her clothes are A M A Z I N G. 

She's rocking that fur hat. And those boots; gimmeeee! I love Penny Lane's style, it's just boho rocker crazy hippy girl bandyish.  And Kate Hudson also happens to be gorgeous in this movie, with those pretty blonde curls and her very plain makeup.  I would love to be Penny Lane, and although I might not be a Bandaid with rockers on tour, I can certainly dress like her.  

Not gonna lie, all of that stuff is ridiculously expensive (except for the black dress I have that) but it's just to give ya the idea of Penny's (amazingly incredible) style.  It's easy, but doesn't come off as lazy, it's breezy but not everything in her wardrobe is light.  Here's my semi-Penny Lane look:

So, although we might not be able to live like Penny Lane, we can totally dress like her.  She's a pretty cool person, I mean she's fun and super low maintenance but still kinda crazy.  And by god she can wear a white fur hat like no other.

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Playlist: Frida

Hey hey girlzzzzzzz, ok so inspired by Rookie, I've decided to make weekly playlists for ya'll!
Each week there will be a new theme and this weeks is....(drumroll)..... Frida Kahlo!!!! Hope you enjoy it!
xoxo

Frida from evasoph on 8tracks Radio.

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Raised on Arizona

Howdy! I'm sick (again) today, and as I was lying in bed, I began thinking about my numerous travels through Arizona and the desert.  My dad lives in New Mexico, on a navajo reservation where he teaches literature.  I've never been to that reservation, but I've spent many hot summer day driving through the desert in an un-airconditioned van.  The trip from LA to New Mexico take about two days, and I've slept in national forests, in VW vans and in Motel Sixes.  I partially hated the trip because it burning hot and dry, but another part of me loved it.  The desert is so gorgeous in such odd ways.  It's so empty and so melancholy and lonely.  I decided that I would make a post about Arizona, my travels, and all the things along the way.

First of all, Neil Young  is always the soundtrack that would play in the van while we drove through the hot sahara winds.  He's songs are beautiful, and when I ever I listen to the music even when I'm in my room in LA, I think of the feeling of sun in my face, hot wind in my hair and a cold soda on my lap.  Another one of my absolute FAVORITE songs by him is...

 

Sun Green! Ugh, guys it SO good.  I love the kind of story it tells, how passionate it is.  I absolutely love the song, and the nostalgia that goes along with it.  I've been listening to his music for as long as I can remember because of my Dad.  It's all really great and somehow all heartbreaking. 

Okay, now that you have the soundtrack on, I'll show you what I see through some pictures I took from this past summer, when we drove on many of the old off roads were mines were and where there were towns where there was only a population of 80. 

A Pueblo in New Mexico on the outskirts of Albuquerque  

On the road somewhere between Nevada and Arizona

A donkey in a town on the old routes

A hawk flying over the desert

Small town on the outside of Arizona at sunset

Building in a small town on the border of Arizona

An old hotel in a railroad town, outside of Arizona

      It's so pretty right? In that way that no one else is there, like it's a completely deserted place.  You can imagine old cowboy shoot downs going on outside of the saloon while a girl in a hoop dress cowers behind shuttered windows.  It's such an ideal place, it feels like nothing changes there.

      I've also been to the Hopi Reservation in New Mexico.  It was really interesting to spend time with people who are so different then me.  I went to a home dance with my dad, who is friends with some of the prominent families on the res.  It was incredibly beautiful and fascinating.  The Hopi men dress as kachinas, the embodiments of spirits.  The Kachina plays a significant role in Hopi culture, religiously and artistically. 

The kachina are embodied in Hopi art. There are Kachina dolls, detailed miniatures of the kachinas made of wood, then painted.  Kachinas also are apparent in Hopi pottery, and other types of Hopi art.  

   Sometimes when I'm looking at photographs on websites, or art that others have made, they remind me of Arizona, New Mexico and the Hopi culture. I'm not sure exactly what about these pieces give me a whiff of that familiar air, but it probably has to do with the colors, the shading and the shapes.  Here are a few pieces that remind of Arizona, even if the artists weren't even remotely inspired by that.  

Photograph by John Zimmerman, found here

Great artwork byAdam Friedman, foundhere

Photograph by Daniel Seung Lee, found here

Anyways, I hope that this post has made you think about the simplicity of dessert beauty.  I know that to me, it's a love hate relationship.  I hate being there but when I look back, and think about the memories I've made on the road, I love it.  It's like it was all just a dream.

    

  

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