Sometimes it's OK not to be OK.

    There's a cheezy saying I'm sure you've heard; Nobodys perfect.  When your grandma says it to you when you complain about your thighs or whatever, it sounds stupid and kinda like an excuse for stuff.  But really, it's true nobody is perfect.
Everyone has their problems, some are huge some are small but all of them are real.  You know those day when you just can't get anything right? Sometimes those days become weeks, then years.  And that's okay.  It's okay that you just aren't too good at math or that you can't draw a skull or even that you can't be happy.  It's okay to feel sad about how your life is at the moment and it's okay to be angry that you didn't get what you want.
Through experience, I know that it's scary to look at life and take it head on sometimes. My whole life I have been anxious.  And for the first 15 years of my life I acted like it was fine, it wasn't a big deal that being around too many people made me nervous, it was fine that sometimes I just was so sad that I could barely even look in my mirror, it was no biggie that the weekends I had to go to my dad's I would break down and cry.  I put on a mask, and acted like I was fine and that the fact that my life scared me was okay.
    Then, my freshman year of high school changed everything.  I couldn't keep the mask on.  Everyday life became trying, I was a nervous wreck and didn't know how to talk about it.  For months I couldn't explain my behavior, I was embarrassed and ashamed that I would have nervous breakdowns about going to school, and that I was scared by my own behavior.  For months this went on and on, my absences at school increased, my grades went down, and I didn't get any better.  It felt like the anxiety was a monster that would take over me and throw me against a wall.  Soon I was worried about going to school, that I couldn't do it but if I didn't do it I would get F's, and if I got F's I wouldn't graduate and if I didn't graduate, I'd never go to college, and then I'd just never do anything with my life, but I couldn't bring myself to go to school.   It was hard.  It was frustrating and in all honesty, it was scary to lose myself like that.
    Then this year, I talked about it. I talked about my problems, my hardships. I explained that I didn't understand why I couldn't go to school, but I felt that I couldn't.  I explained that I did not understand how I felt, that I was scared.  I was lucky enough to be helped, and have supportive people to tell me that sometimes it's okay to not be okay.
     Sometimes it's hard to admit that you're not okay.  But once you do, it feels like a weight off you shoulders, being able to say "Hey, today I'm really feeling down"or "I feel lost, I feel sad and confused"will lead to you looking into that.  Why do you feel that way? Can someone or something help you? What do you need to do to help yourself?  It feels good to help yourself.  I really do promise you it's okay for you to be sad, it's okay to feel confused and it's really absolutely okay to not be okay right now.  

Posted in: beliefs,community,feminism