Trending Interent Topics: Sexism and Rape Culture (trigger warning yo) (Part 1)

     So like lots of teenage girls, I'm online a lot.  Tumblr is my go-to website *click here if you want to check it out*  and I follow lot's of blogs that are very vocal about feminism, equal rights, basically everything I believe in.  One of my favorites is sexistfacebookdudes, which calls out social networking accounts that are either a threat to women or making offensive comments towards us as a whole.
     To be 100% truthful with ya'll, I knew some stuff about feminism and I identified as a feminist but I hadn't even known about some of the CRAZY bull that is online.  One of the things I saw was a website called creepshots (BEFORE OPENING WARNING: NSFW, TW: RAPE, NONCONSENT), a blog that posts pictures of unknowing women and sexualizing them.
     Basically this is a scenario of how lot's of the pictures on there get taken.  You go out in a pair of yoga pants to get yourself an iced tea from the Starbucks in your neighborhood.  After you get your drink, you are probably going to go back home and shower and then go to work or something.  As your waiting in line, a man standing behind you is like "that bitches ass is fine imma take a pic and post it online".  So your butt gets posted online for thousands of people to see, and the caption says "Mmmm some sexy ass wakes me up in the morning".  You don't know about this picture, but lots of people are seeing it and using it as a sexy picture.
     Thats basically what the blog is, pictures of women without their consent online with captions like "She's not asking for it, she's begging for it." Feminists on Tumblr are pouncing on this gross blog and theres a petition to get rid of their social networking accounts (Facebook is down but Twitter and Tumblr are still around).  You can sign the petition here.
      I knew that there were creepers, but I was really surprised at the idea of this blog.  I guess you could call me naive, although I had never thought of myself as that.  I was outraged and freaked out and actually a little scared to wear a sports bra to the gym, or wear my shorts out even though it was super hot outside.  At first the idea is disturbing by itself, the fact that these women are unknowing, but after lots of thinking, these kinds of blogs actually communicate a lot more about modern technology and its part in society then they seem.
      Blogs that post pictures of women being sexualized without the women's knowledge are extremely different to porn, or at least in my opinion they are different.  Many women in porn find it empowering, or even they don't, they always know that the video or photograph is sexualizing them and they are okay with it because they are, more or less, in control of the image and how they are portrayed.  The pictures posted on blogs like creepshots are different because these women don't even know they are being photographed.  The defenders for blogs like creepshots think that someone not saying no is the same as someone saying yes.  Women shouldn't have to turn around to a stranger and say "Oh hey btw you cannot take pictures of me", it should be an unspoken rule.  The idea of not saying no being yes supports rape culture, the idea that women not having consent over the sexuality and their bodies is normal and completely okay.
      This of course brings in a lot of other  issues, like celebrities.  Would it be less immoral for someone to zoom into a picture of Janet Jackson's nip slip, or Britney Spears without underwear? This is when the line gets a bit blurred.  On one hand, these celebrities did not say yes, but on the other hand they are fully aware that pictures are being taken and that they are constantly in the public eye.
This line has become even more thin because in the day and age, we are always being watched.  Almost everyone has a camera on their phone, and anyone can take out their phone and snap a picture of stuff.  This is an upside and downside to modern technology,  on the upside we can use this technology for good and to inform (Part 2 of this article will adress this), but on the downside it also means that people can overshare and share things that aren't even rightfully theirs.  What do you think about all of this? Part two will be here soon!

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Caring Doesn't Have to Mean Sharing; how social networking effects relationships and feminism

I’ve never been a huge fan of PDA.  Don’t get me wrong, hand holding, cheek kissing, and casual arm draping doesn’t bother me in the slightest, in fact I think that all of that stuff is pretty darn cute.  But when those little displays of affection become full on sexual PDA, I don’t really have any patience for it.  When I walk around my school and see couples making out (or what my friends call it “face eating”) on vending machines, under benches and even in the bushes, not only do I feel violated, but I also lose respect for both of the lovebirds.  It’s not a personal thing; I don’t have anything against couples expressing themselves.  It’s more that when I see couples displaying these kinds of PDA, I don’t think that they’re doing it just for the sheer enjoyment.  It almost feels as if it’s a show to demonstrate to everything and everyone how into each other they are. 

When I checked Facebook and saw endless amounts of lovey-dovey posts, a wave of recognition hit me.  Everywhere I clicked were more and more statuses, posts, pictures and other tons of technological mumbo jumbo all about these girl’s significant others, or how they described them, their “boos”, “babies” and even “my life”.  These girls could be songwriters for Taylor Swift guys, that’s how intense the statuses were.  And just like a Taylor Swift song, at first I thought the posts these girls were sharing were pretty cute; “Aw! That’s so sweet!”  But after awhile, I started feeling bad about myself.  Why didn’t someone love me like that? Am I not good enough, pretty enough or smart enough to have someone that into me? What is wrong with me?! I’m not going to lie, for a while I was in a slump and I was totally down on myself.  But then I began to think about it.  Lots of thoughts ran through my head but these two were the most important.

1)    Why do we think that we need to have another person to “complete” us?

2)    If these couples are so happy and content, why do they feel that they must prove to everyone how great they are?

One of my favorite quotations sums up my feelings about this topic perfectly.  “The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.” –Neale Donald Walsch.  As young women, we shouldn’t believe that we need another person to complete us.  Not only does this idea support the belief that we are not strong enough or good enough on our own, but it also gives girls and young women the impression that unless they have a boyfriend or girlfriend they aren’t a whole person.  This idea also implies that girls with boyfriends or girlfriends are better then girls who are single.  Naturally, I related this to feminism.  By suggesting that women are incomplete without having a relationship, young women and girls in general, are being told that they aren’t enough on their own. 

Are couples that are constantly talking, tweeting, posting, and woofing* about each other really as content as they seem?  As I looked at the dozen posts cluttering up on my newsfeed, I thought about my ideal relationship.  To me, a relationship is with two people who care about each other and respect each other equally.  The couple should be happy together, but be able to be independent and have their own life outside of the relationship.   As I read the numerous posts, I began to feel like the writers of them were trying to convince me of their undying love towards their “baby-boo”.  If those posts could talk, I imagine they would scream “LOOK AT US! WE ARE SO IN LOVE! REALLY! TELL ME HOW CUTE WE ARE! ACCEPT US! ACCEPT HIM! ACCEPT ME!”  The person who shared it might think that the post was cute and romantic, but when I read it, I felt as if they were begging me to validate their relationship and to accept them, to tell them that they are amazing.  

I eventually decided that sharing isn’t always caring.  These posts supported the idea that as women, we need another person to “complete” us.  These posts also advocate that by sharing the inner most details of their relationship, the couple will get more out of it, feel better about it and that it would mean more because some of their friends liked it.  But I have to disagree with both of these ideas. 

Coming back to my favorite quote, I don’t think a relationship has to be about becoming “complete”.  I believe that when your with the right person, it should be about both of you being blissful, not getting validation on your couple hood.  I believe that my peace of mind and happiness does not rely on another person or one anyone else’s approval. 

I’m not against love, relationships, or affection, guys really and truly.  But I believe that I am a complete person on my own, that all of you are whole and complete on your own as well. I am confident that when we find love or even just a relationship, it should be about both of you being able to appreciate each other’s whole completeness.  Together, both of you will be two wholes, not two halves crushing together trying to prove that they are one, like two puzzle pieces that just don’t quite fit. 

*Woof is a reference to the Office aka the best show ever  

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