Sometimes it's OK not to be OK.

    There's a cheezy saying I'm sure you've heard; Nobodys perfect.  When your grandma says it to you when you complain about your thighs or whatever, it sounds stupid and kinda like an excuse for stuff.  But really, it's true nobody is perfect.
Everyone has their problems, some are huge some are small but all of them are real.  You know those day when you just can't get anything right? Sometimes those days become weeks, then years.  And that's okay.  It's okay that you just aren't too good at math or that you can't draw a skull or even that you can't be happy.  It's okay to feel sad about how your life is at the moment and it's okay to be angry that you didn't get what you want.
Through experience, I know that it's scary to look at life and take it head on sometimes. My whole life I have been anxious.  And for the first 15 years of my life I acted like it was fine, it wasn't a big deal that being around too many people made me nervous, it was fine that sometimes I just was so sad that I could barely even look in my mirror, it was no biggie that the weekends I had to go to my dad's I would break down and cry.  I put on a mask, and acted like I was fine and that the fact that my life scared me was okay.
    Then, my freshman year of high school changed everything.  I couldn't keep the mask on.  Everyday life became trying, I was a nervous wreck and didn't know how to talk about it.  For months I couldn't explain my behavior, I was embarrassed and ashamed that I would have nervous breakdowns about going to school, and that I was scared by my own behavior.  For months this went on and on, my absences at school increased, my grades went down, and I didn't get any better.  It felt like the anxiety was a monster that would take over me and throw me against a wall.  Soon I was worried about going to school, that I couldn't do it but if I didn't do it I would get F's, and if I got F's I wouldn't graduate and if I didn't graduate, I'd never go to college, and then I'd just never do anything with my life, but I couldn't bring myself to go to school.   It was hard.  It was frustrating and in all honesty, it was scary to lose myself like that.
    Then this year, I talked about it. I talked about my problems, my hardships. I explained that I didn't understand why I couldn't go to school, but I felt that I couldn't.  I explained that I did not understand how I felt, that I was scared.  I was lucky enough to be helped, and have supportive people to tell me that sometimes it's okay to not be okay.
     Sometimes it's hard to admit that you're not okay.  But once you do, it feels like a weight off you shoulders, being able to say "Hey, today I'm really feeling down"or "I feel lost, I feel sad and confused"will lead to you looking into that.  Why do you feel that way? Can someone or something help you? What do you need to do to help yourself?  It feels good to help yourself.  I really do promise you it's okay for you to be sad, it's okay to feel confused and it's really absolutely okay to not be okay right now.  

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All I Do is Jew: How my religion has given me so much more then faith

For as long as I can remember, I have been part of a Jewish community.  I was raised Jewish, attended Jewish school for nine years, and went to a Jewish sleep away camp for eight summers in a row. I loved every minute of these experiences (especially the sleep away camp) but I never felt a strong connection towards Judaism itself.  That all changed after I graduated from my tiny Jewish private school, and moved to a ginormous public high school consisting of five magnets, not even including the normal school. 

My freshman year of high school was the first time I’d ever been with people who were significantly different from me in many ways.  At my old school, everyone was white and Jewish, but at my new school everyone looked differently, dressed differently, and had different views on almost everything.  I was so excited to meet new kinds of people, people who were not exactly the same as me, people who had common interests with me, and having the options to choose my own friends.  Although I was excited, I still craved the small and tight mishpachah (FUN FACT: in Hebrew, mishpachah, means family, thought you’d be curious), I had once had and was accustomed to. This is when I discovered the youth group at my temple, which also happened to be the school I used to attend. 

I know that youth groups can come off as cultish and weird, like those kinds of things that do bible studies for fun or whatever, but I swear, spending time with my youth group is probably one of my FAVORITE things in the world EVER.  I swear I’m not overselling this, it’s one of my favorite places in the world.  At my youth group, I’ve met people who have become my closest confidants, some of the people I’ve met there are now my life long friends who I love with all of my heart.  Joining my youth group has also made me a better person, the kind of person I had strived to be.  It’s made me into a leader, someone who will take charge, speak my opinion, and take chances without worrying about what people would think about me. 

I never believed that my Judaism would define me as a person, but my beliefs have changed.  My Judaism has given me the chance to meet fantastic people, and has turned me into the type of person I want to be, this fantastic change, this amazing community, and the fantastic people I get to see all the time, give me faith in my religion and in myself.

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